


Unlikely Confidant

by magnificentbanes



Series: Season Three Codas [4]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: 3x05 coda, Gen, Immortality Angst, alec and simon are the best friends we deserve, set somewhere between 3x05 and 3x06
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 14:04:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14380206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnificentbanes/pseuds/magnificentbanes
Summary: Never in a million years did Alec think he would ever confide in Simon Lewis





	Unlikely Confidant

Alec had been staring at his desk for so long the world had started to blur at the edges. He didn’t know how to communicate how he was feeling - hell, he barely knew how he was feeling at all. All he knew was that there was a burning in his chest that flared up when he thought about how one day he would be gone and just another memory to Magnus.

It almost killed him just to think about.

“Alec?” He looked up at the sound of Simon’s voice in the doorway. “Wow, man, you look like hell.”

“Gee, thanks,” Alec said and the words sounded so hollow and lifeless that it almost made him flinch. “Can I help you, Simon?”

“I was just looking for Clary, but I think you need a friend more than she does right now.” Without asking Simon walked into the office and sat down on the couch. “What’s going on?”

“Since when are you and I friends?” Alec couldn’t recall a single instance where he had been alone with Simon, let alone had an actual conversation with him. It’s not that he didn’t like Simon - he didn’t really have an opinion of him either way, though Izzy and Clary both liked him and even Jace said he was tolerable - but their paths had just never crossed.

Except for now, at the most inconvenient time for Alec.

“I mean, I know we haven’t, like, actually talked before but Clary says I’m really good at giving advice.”

“Yeah, well, Clary’s also in love with Jace so forgive me if I don’t exactly trust her judgment.” Simon laughed at that and, contrary to the war waging inside of him, Alec smiled.

“Try me. So, what’s going on with the great Alec Lightwood?” Alec said nothing. “Is it about the owl demon thing? Sorry if I’m not supposed to know about that but Clary and I tell each other everything and-”

“Simon, you’re rambling.”

“Right. Sorry.”

“But, no, it’s not about the owl.” Though that did remind Alec that he still needed to figure out what the owl was and that just added to his stress. Thanks, Simon. “It’s nothing I can’t handle on my own.”

“But you shouldn’t  _ have  _ to.” Then, “Is it about Magnus? Did you guys….you know?”

“What? Oh, no, no, not at all.” Alec may have been uncertain about a lot of things at the moment, but the one thing he would never waver on was that, given his way, he would never break up with Magnus Bane. They would fight, but they always seemed to find their way back to each other. “It’s just. No, never mind, I wouldn’t want to bore you.”

“No. Tell me.”

Alec sighed. The only people he was used to opening up to was Magnus and Izzy. But Izzy was nowhere to be found and Magnus. Well, Alec wasn’t sure he was able to talk to Magnus without starting a fight. And he was tired of fighting. “Okay. Well, we had a fight.”

“About?”

“He has this box. And I know I shouldn’t have, but I went through it.”

“What was in it?”

“Stuff from people he’s loved and outlived in the past.”

Simon nodded sagely. “And it upset you that he kept all of that stuff? Because, let me tell you, that’s normal. My dad has been dead since I was five, but you wouldn’t know it looking at my house. My mom has kept all his stuff. I think it’s the only way she can remember him.”

Alec shook his head. “No. No, it’s not that. I understand that I’m not the first person Magnus has loved. I’ve accepted that. It’s more like. Like I’m only just now realizing that one day I’m going to be gone and I’ll just be another memory in a box.”

“I’m sure you won’t just be another memory.”

“Yeah, I bet all the people in that box thought the same thing,” Alec snapped. He closed his eyes and took three deep breaths, the way Magnus had taught him. “Sorry, this isn’t your fault.”

“It’s not Magnus’s, either,” Simon reminded him gently and Alec nodded, his jaw tight. He knew none of this was Magnus’s fault - it was his issue and his alone. “Alec, look. I’ve only been immortal for a grand total of ten seconds, but believe me when I say that I’ve thought about this. What I’ll do when the person I’m with dies.”

“And what’s that?”

“Exactly what Magnus is doing. I think that’s all any of us can do.” Alec said nothing and Simon quickly added, “That doesn’t mean that Magnus doesn’t love you.”

“I know he loves me. It’s just...hard to think that he’s it for me, but I’ll just be another person he loved and lost. In hundred years, he’ll be telling someone new about the Shadowhunter he once loved.”

“Of course he will. You’re  _ Alec Lightwood _ . The guy who stopped his own wedding to kiss a Downworlder. You changed the world, dude. It’s going to be a very long time before anyone forgets you, Magnus especially.” Alec felt tears pinch the backs of his eyes and he blinked to keep them at bay. “Who cares who Magnus loves in the future? Because right now and for the foreseeable future, he loves  _ you _ . And isn’t that what really matters?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“And, hey, if Magnus ever starts forgetting you, I’ll make sure he remembers, okay?”

Alec laughed. “Thanks, Simon.”

“Any time, man.” Just as he was about to leave, he turned in the doorway and said, “Are we, like, friends now?”

“Don’t push it, Lewis.” Simon laughed and Alec smiled and then he was alone again.

His phone lit up with a message from Magnus asking if he was going to be coming back to the loft that night. Alec hesitated, but then decided that he could live in the here and now.

At least for one night.

**Author's Note:**

> come visit me on tumblr: alcgideonlightwood!


End file.
